Many of my clients who come to me for coaching support as they return to work bring the challenge of feeling overwhelmed. Many report that they feel anxious; their minds are spinning with the numerous tasks they need to complete, and they are often finding it hard to focus and feel effective both at home and at work. Things tend to feel chaotic and the idea of finding a way to organise their thoughts may feel out of reach.
A favourite concept of mine that I like to share is the idea of managing your energy – not your time. Drawing on the work of Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, the core idea is that time is fixed but our energy is not. Thinking differently about our energy and how we can both expend and recover energy enables us to optimise our performance. In the world of sport athletes will train hard but they will also have recovery days.
The idea of a recovery day for most new parents returning to work is probably laughable, so finding ways to break the recovery down into small bitesize pieces is the goal. Most new parents that I work with are usually in survival mode and feeling that they have no choice but to put their head down and charge full steam ahead. Most likely they are working in much the same way they did before having a baby, but finding that their preferred approach isn’t quite working as it used to.
Re-think how you expend your energy over the day
The invitation is to re-think how you expend your energy over the day. Consider when you are at your best; are you an early morning person, or a late afternoon/evening performer? What is the rhythm of your household in terms of childcare and drop-off and pick-ups? What are the requirements and flexibility of your job? Our energy is not consistent throughout the day, it oscillates and being able to plan for these peaks and troughs can be valuable. Try looking for opportunities to do your focused work at times when you are typically more energised and then allowing for recovery when you are more depleted. Below I have given an example of how my energy levels might fluctuate across a typical working day:
Resource yourself
Much of my work with my clients is looking at how they can resource themselves in order to expand their capacity. In other words, how can they fill their cup of energy so that they are able to perform at their best. Loehr and Schwartz categorise energy into four different types and suggest that if we can aim to balance expending our energy AND recovering our energy across all four categories, we will feel better and minimise our chances of burning out. They offer the idea of rituals that we can introduce into our day that allow us to pay attention to how we are using our energy.
In my work with new parents, I often describe this as taking their own oxygen mask first. To avoid burning out as working parents, we need to include ourselves in the care that we give others. Looking for small, manageable ways to include ourselves may feel strange, especially if it is new to you. Indeed, it will be different for each of us. Below I have described the four categories Loehr and Schwartz offer, and I have described some ways in which my clients have experimented with developing their own rituals. Take a look and see if any resonate with you or inspire you to create your own:
Physical Energy
Taking some deep breaths for a few minutes at regular points throughout the day.
Planning and eating nourishing food at regular intervals.
Prioritising sleep (tricky with babies who don’t sleep but see below for a recommendation here).
Exercise (extending the nursery drop off walk, getting off the train one stop early, yoga, cycling, running etc.)
Emotional Energy
Noticing your mood at different times throughout the day.
Activities that fill you with pure enjoyment or relaxation such as dancing, listening to music or reading (e.g. on your commute to work).
Minimise social media consumption (utilise screen time restrictions or set a boundary for yourself).
Spiritual Energy
Gaining clarity on your values and purpose.
Intentional activities that connect you with what brings you meaning; prayer, meditation, reflective practices.
Time in nature.
Mental Energy
Using your awareness of when you are most energised during the day, plan periods of sustained concentration and focus on one task at a time.
Decide what you are prepared to fail at. Most of us have impossibly high expectations of what we can achieve and who we believe we should be. Check in with your expectations of yourself and ask yourself if they are realistic, and if not, what can you do to make them more achievable?
Ask for help. So many of us have a tendency to take on more than we are capble of managing. Challenge yourself to look at your support network and identify people who can support you. For example, what could your nanny do? How might your partner support you? How might you and a friend help each other out? If you can afford it, can you bring in some paid help with cleaning?
I encourage you to look for progress, not perfection. Introducing one ritual from each category and experimenting with how you might creatively weave this into your day can make a difference. Give it a go and if you’d like some support please get in touch.
On the baby sleep front, look at Baby2Sleep for expert guidance.
My colleague Sarah Turner and I have been busy creating content highlighting the importance of organisations providing support for working parents. As part of this, we created this video series exploring the entire journey of maternity leave, from before the leave starts, through to preparing to return and then the first few months back at work. If you or your organisation would like to understand more about how to support your employees as they take parental leave, please get in touch.
This blog post is a collaboration between Maternity Coaches Laura Duggal and Sarah Turner. They are working together, sharing their experiences and bringing the best of their joint advice and knowledge to you.
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